Sunday 17 February 2019

LESSONS IN LOVE: LEAVING THE PAST IN THE PAST


Everyone has a past.  But if you can’t learn to leave your past in the past, do you run the risk of destroying your future? And how much should you dwell on the past before you attempt to set down the foundations of a future relationship?

It’s important to face up to your past, without dwelling or beating yourself up about it either. Learning from that experience and viewing it as a valuable learning curve is step one. But when it comes to love, what happens when you’re not ready to completely let go?  What happens when your past has long served you as a useful excuse, consciously or subconsciously, to avoid moving forward in relationships?

The awkward ‘exes’ conversation is an important conversation to be had. It’s important to be honest about your relationship history and to openly talk about the romantic experiences which have shaped you, for better or for worse! No one wants to hear about the great loves of their partner’s life. No one wants to feel sexually or romantically inadequate. No one wants to learn that the person standing in front of them are not who they thought them to be; vulnerable, fragile, insecure. Broken-hearted.

There's no safety net in life. Far too often, we look before we leap and sometimes we don't even leap at all. Something is holding us back and maybe the past is best thought of as the anchor which holds us back. But we have to let go of who we were to become who we want to be. Maybe our mistakes are exactly what make our fate, as unpredictable and messy as that might be. Maybe it’s best to reflect on the past exactly for what it is; a series of fleeting moments, distant memories and mistakes which are best learned from. 

Antonia x 



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